There weren’t many things I wanted more in life than how much I wanted to have a natural, un-medicated, birth. I’d heard my mother speak of her two natural childbirths my entire life and I had always aspired to have one for myself and my precious baby. It was a gift I wanted to give him. However, baby Jude was head up the entire pregnancy. It was at week 36 that my midwife said we would need to schedule the c-section for week 39. She said that in the mean time I could try some maneuvers at home and make an appointment to have an External Cephalic Version.
So I began to mourn:
I wasn’t the first to touch my precious baby. I wasn’t the first to see his face. It wasn’t my voice he heard first. He wasn’t laid on my bare chest. We weren’t able to lay in his goo for hours before nurses did their nurses thing. He was instantly clipped from me and laid in a crib where I couldn’t see him.
I could hear his precious cries.